Day One

Good Afternoon, 

As of the past few months, I have grown sick and tired of being fat. 

I am five feet, two inches and I weight anywhere between 237 and 240 pounds. I have been gaining weight over the past four years. I will post pictures if I can find it in my heart to subject someone to seeing me in little clothing!

When I felt my best, I was around 140. I was a size ten but I could move and I felt pretty. I haven't felt pretty in years. I feel tired. I feel fat. I feel gross. I feel ugly. I have trouble doing simple things like bending over to tie my shoes or put a pair of socks on. I can never find anything to wear (clothes for plus sized girls are more expensive, harder to find and just not flattering at all).  I have been asked if I am expecting and I have no self confidence at all. 

I have been reading a lot about clean eating and I have begun to try and take some of those ideas and apply them to my own life. If try to take on too much, I will become overwhelmed and quit because I won't see any changes as quick as I would want to. One thing I have to keep in mind is that I didn't gain all of this weight over night and so I am not going to lose all of this weight over night. 

I decided to begin with breakfast. I usually go into work at 6:30am and would just stop at Dunkin Donuts and get a large black coffee, a plain bagel and plain cream cheese. While it was delicious, I felt so hungry again not long after. I was introduced to over night oats by my next door neighbor who is a vegan. Here is the link to the easy, vegan over night oats. When I make mine now, I just use steel cut oats from Trader Joe's, rice milk and chia seeds. I bought a four pack of mason jars and put the steel cut oats and chia seeds in them on Sunday night so that all I have to do is add the rice milk the night before so that i can grab it on my way out the door. 

I also met with the nurse at my company and she talked about the importance of having protein at every meal so that you do not have spikes in your blood sugar and end up crashing. I also try to eat a hard boiled egg or a cheese stick at breakfast as well. The ave to grocery stores in our area carry pre-boiled eggs so again, all I have to do is grab and go.

When I eat overnight oats for breakfast, I feel full until about 10:00am now. If I get hungry at this time, I have a portion of raw almonds, raw walnuts or a Greek yogurt. 

I love coffee and have a Keurig at my desk but I always drink it black. I try to drink lots of water as well but I am not as successful at that. 

I have been trying to work on lunch as well. My co worker and I go out to lunch Monday through Friday. It was so fun int he beginning and now I hate it. All there is to eat is greasy fatty foods. I always feel like crud after I eat them so I have been working hard to get away from that. 

In order to do this, I have to pack my own lunch. This is the most challenging part. Sunday is when I try to buy my food for the week and cut it up and make sure I have healthy things readily available for my week ahead. As of now, I am eating low sodium turkey lunch meat on wheat bread with mustard and a little mayonnaise. I cut up fruit (apples, pears or grapes) and have plenty of vegetables (carrots, green peppers, cucumbers, broccoli) to snack on as well. I sometimes have a sugar free applesauce or some honey wheat pretzels. I love Pringles sour cream and onion chips so if I do have these in my lunch, I make sure that I pack only the serving size. This way, I can enjoy them without going overboard. Lunch is still a big work in progress for me but I think I will only make it better and better as I put more time into it. 

Dinner isn't even an option to rearrange yet. My husband is gracious enough to make dinner every single night for us so I don't feel that I can change this meal quite yet. I do try to have more servings of vegetables at this meal and not eat more than a normal serving size. 

Ice cream and sweets are my downfall. I love to have ice cream (or some form of it) every night. I have been working hard to pass this up. If I get a sugar craving, I do give in but I am working on distracting myself and doing something else in the hopes that it will pass. 

I often have drinks at night. In my neighborhood, we are all very close and we all hang out on the driveway and enjoy a few drinks while we talk and laugh. Though it's only a couple beers or a glass of wine, I am trying to eliminate this. I do not think that this is my biggest problem but I am so desperate for change that I will take on (or take out) anything that will help me. 

When it comes to exercise, I have not been that good. I began doing Jamie Eason's Live Fit Trainer. I began day one of the exercise portion yesterday. My shoulders feel a little sore but I have to say, I am excited to get back in the gym and challenge myself with day two. I love to do cardio, especially walking on the treadmill. The reason why is that they have television sets at the gym and I never get to watch television at my house so it's like a dream come true for me. 

Slowly but surely all the changes will fall into place and the results will come. Until then, I just need to keep busting butt and not give up.